Report: Outbreak of idiocy spreading 10,000 times faster than coronavirus

byALEX HUNTLEY(@AJHUNTLEY)   

TORONTO – Public health officials in Toronto have confirmed its first 50,000 cases of being a misinformed fuckwit as xenophobic conspiracy theories and tales of false cures continue to spread across social media.

“Becoming a complete moron during an infectious disease outbreak is far more viral than we first thought,” said Dr. Jeanne Smith of Toronto Public Health. “Fact resistance is abnormally high especially among the dullard population, and the bottom 5% of your graduating high school class.”

Tens of thousands of people were affected by a novel fake news claim that the Chinese government was developing coronavirus at Canada’s National Microbiology Lab leaving at least 10,000 people stupider.

Patients are usually asymptomatic until they open their mouths or start tweeting.

Aunts spreading rumours about 100% natural cures for the virus on Facebook have been quarantined while racist uncles at dinner tables were ball-gagged as a precaution.

“Our epidemiologists are working hard to identify idiot zero, but there might be more sporadic outbreaks of coronavirus-related imbecility,” added Dr. Smith.

Meanwhile, health officials are dreading teaching the population a complicated prevention technique: washing your hands.

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